Dr. Date Presents:

How To Tell When You're on a Date

Friendly get-together or potential fling? Coffee or foreplay? Since the key to successful courting is subtlety -- the ability to date without letting on -- the chart below may help in applying the question, "Is this a date?" to your own circumstance.

Remember, however, when doing so, you can always be wrong.

Date: "I'll Pick You Up"
Not Date: "Are you going to drive?"

Date: Planned out what you'd wear the Thursday before
Not Date: Still wearing what you were wearing the Thursday before

Date: "Thanks, I try to keep this place clean"
Not Date: "Don't worry, just step over that"

Date: Namedrop Chomsky
Not Date: Recite last Seinfeld episode

Date: "No, you're not late at all"
Not Date: "Where the hell were you?!"

Date: "Do you have change for a fifty?"
Not Date: "Can I borrow a quarter?"

Date: Rosé
Not Date: Olympia

Date: Silverware
Not Date: Fingers

Target practice: Not Date

Date: "Are you a vegetarian?"
Not Date: "Are you gonna eat that?!"

Date: "Excuse me"
Not Date: "Got any tampons?"

Date: Fragrance
Not Date: Deodorant

Date: "People don't understand me"
Not Date: "I can't get my shit together"

Date: Gulag of Archipelago
Not Date: Gilligan's Island

Date: Italian
Not Date: Mexican

Date: "I really think I was meant to be a writer"
Not Date: "I have an idea. Gyros!"

Date: Like Water For Chocolate
Not Date: Shakes the Clown

Date: "Do you mind if I smoke?"
Not Date: "Give me a light"

Date: "I'll get the check"
Not Date: "Uh, I'll be in the bathroom"

Is it a date? You decide.