Checklist for Conscious Daters

Remember, you can never be too prepared.


  • Make sure to tell that (motorcycle/hallucinogen/emergency room/brush with fame/escape from New York) story one more time.

  • Peel off annoying beer bottle label.

  • In your mind, meet, go out, fuck, live together and break up with your date before the appetizer.

  • Steer conversation to those topics you've rehearsed beforehand.

  • Fill in moments of silence with "yeah," "exactly" or simply "um."

  • Formulate a serious answer to the question, "what kind of music do you like?"...just in case

  • Politics? What politics?

  • Listen carefully for your companion's every mention of a person of your gender. Worry.

  • Disregard financial concerns.

  • For god's sake, keep that shirt tucked in!

    For more information, consult Slouching Toward a Late Brunch: The Science and Art of Dating, the new anthology by Dr. Date. He has a Ph.d . . . in dating!!

    (Gus Stadler and Carrie McLaren)