A Testimonial by Trixie Bethlehem-Doppelganger
Don't you try to change me
I love the world I've found,
I've got to fly my own sweet way
And don't you shoot me down
-- "Life's a Trippy Thing" by Frank & Nancy Sinatra
(Superclamp theme song)
Fun and dieting are two words not generally linked. And why should they be? The idea of eating, say, black coffee, toast, and a grapefruit for breakfast, a salad sans dressing for lunch, and a sensible dinner of tofu with salsa on a rice cake harbors no intrinsic appeal. And, of course, externally-motivated (i.e. goal-oriented) diets derail themselves eventually. So the challenge, then, is to learn to love eating less for its own sake, without developing an eating disorder. It sounds impossible, yet I have stumbled across a way to lose weight that's so compelling even a Clampette could stick to it. Could this diet be the key to achieving Superclamp's ultimate goal -- appearing in the Weekly World News?
BEFORE
First, a little background. Although I have never been particularly heavy, my weight has crept up each year since I started college (ten years ago). More significantly, I had never lost a pound or even been able to stick to any diet for more than a few days. Clearly, I just didn't have what it took to lose weight, and was resigned to gaining year by year, slowly but surely. I was also about to enter a hard-to-shop-for bra size. My mother even said "Trixie, you're kinda peaking out there."
THEN IT HAPPENED...
Internet access.
After a few weeks of using e-mail and Usenet, I lost access to both through a crash. Jonesing, I played around, looking for anything to tide me over. (At this point, I'll bet some of you can see where this is heading.)
GETTING MY FEET WET
MUDs, of course. At first I just walked around bored, yet even then I realized I was already hooked anyway. The first time someone said as much as 'Hi" to me I started shrieking with delight. Now can you all see where it's heading, and can you see that I was a sitting duck? My second trip to cyberspace found me giggling like a banshee while a nice 19-year old looked at my legs beneath the silver minidress that faithful readers know we Clampettes choose as net-wear. Gerta called out from the other room "Trixie, are you having computer sex?" My reply: "No, but I think maybe I could."
SEXUAL SUPERNOVA
To make a long story short, I found the whole experience so powerfully arousing and disturbing that I could barely eat for about two weeks. Why? In addition to shock that it should work at all, there was the illusion that sex with anyone could be decent if one could just get inside his head, and the related fact that, whereas in real life only the hottest of guys can do erotic talk, on the net they have to if they want to do anything at all. (Which is how it should be in real life....ah, but I digress) Add to that the paranoia about real identity and the seductiveness of feeling single. Now factor in my info-junky personality and you may get some idea of what held me in its grip. In retrospect, it seems almost as unlikely to me as it probably does to you, especially considering all my computer persona was really doing was some rather light making out with one other character.
Each morning I would manage to choke down some yogurt, then try to coast through work while drinking cup after cup of water, eat about half a sandwich for lunch, a frozen dinner in the afternoon, then it was off to the computers. Needless to say, I cut out all snacks. I didn't feel hungry at all -- just nervous. I wasn't sure whether my intense obsession would ever go away, but I realized that here was my golden opportunity to lose weight.
TURNING ONE'S LIABILITIES INTO ASSETS
Within a week and a half I had dropped five pounds (which is quite a bit on a five foot frame.) Sexual arousal was one reason I couldn't eat, but I also put my natural laziness to work for me. Since I was spending most of my leisure time alone, I ate only when I needed to. As a sidelight, men took more notice of me, and I'm convinced it was not because of the weight loss.
AFTER
Eventually, my computer obsession devolved from supernova to mere obsession to psychological crutch to just another boring time-filler. My usenet and e-mail capabilities are back and in action. I am now single (or should I say 'swingle') in real life and still losing weight. Though in many ways more miserable than ever, I'm both more real, oh-so-thin, and ready to roll. To quote from Superclamp #1, "Half angel, half hellcat, all woman. Go baby Go!" Next step -- leaving the house occasionally!
"BUT CAN *I* LOSE WEIGHT THIS WAY?" THE READER ASKS
Probably not. I've yet to run into anyone else who reports the same experience. Too bad -- this may stand in the way of my making the cover of the Weekly World News (but then again, they did run the "men wearing jock straps outside their business suits on Franklin Street" article, so the irreproducibility of my results may not even matter.) The net is certainly trendy enough ... maybe I've got another Fit For Life on my hands. However, if you really want to take the lessons I've learned and apply them to your own life, here they are: 1. Become obsessively involved in a flow experience. 2. Use said experience to realize how little you need to eat to feel content. Certainly beats jogging!